I know I've expressed before that I never imagined my blog becoming my interactive journal, and my innate introversion is still desperately hoping that it won't be, but it seems that my sarcasm to life ratio is a little unbalanced these days. And that's probably due to the fact that I'm getting extra doses of life these days. Or maybe I'm just finally paying attention.
A couple of weeks ago I drafted a lengthy post on what it feels like to be a stranger living in your boss' house, being accused of using poor judgement, getting yelled at, and then being expected to sit down for an amiable dinner (with your boss and their extended family). It was emotional and melodramatic, and then it mysteriously disappeared. Which I took as a sign that as much as I want all the wounded of the world (who read my blog) to know YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID AND I CAN TOTALLY RELATE TO THAT REALLY CRAPPY THING YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH AND YES, IT SUCKED! some times I guess, I just can't wrap the entire world in an imaginary hug. No matter how hyperbolic and heartfelt it might be. Also, maybe I don't need to dwell on the sad things so much.
So lately I've been trying to do just that- not dwell on the sad things. Now, my immediate instinct is to list ALL OF THE SAD THINGS I'M TOTALLY NOT DWELLING ON. Which is to say, it takes effort. It takes effort to let go of my anxiety and appreciate that I have been BLESSED to spend time with my family, laugh my head off with them, see unexpected and beautiful places in America, help my little sister with her math, enjoy so much good food, share moments and treasures and LIVES.
I can't decipher the last three months of my life. I can't determine why I am where I am now- so far off from where I ever imagined myself being. But honestly, I'm tired of trying to. I love where I am, as transient and out of my control as this place in my life is. I'm sharing my life with people. And I'm so blessed by the lives being shared with me.
Now let's everyone hug it out.
-The Monster Queen