Sunday, January 30, 2011

Things they don't teach in medical school

I definitely overheard this conversation between two doctors today:

"That was fast"

"That's what my wife says. "


"My wife doesn't actually say that. It's a joke. Kind of like 'that's what she said'."

*muddled expression* "Oh. . ."

The adorable little Type A nerds might be able to save your life, but they probably aren't going to pick up on social cues.


How cool?

Saturday, January 29, 2011


Did I just make myself a cup of hot cocoa and start some slow jams in order to set the mood for online shoe shopping?

Friday, January 28, 2011

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Black out and dress up

Yesterday some things happened.

Someone hit a power pole with their car. Some men with chainsaws and barricades showed up. And a woman shouted indistinctly over a loud speaker all day. 

The driver walked away unharmed but since Satan still needed to get his, the neighborhood was without power for most of the day.

After going for a walk and using my laptop until the battery completely died I sat there for a couple of minutes just staring at the black screen, contemplating what meaning there is to my life without internet access. Determined, that aside from reading blogs, my life DOES have purpose I lit some candles and then took pictures of them.

And then I had a brilliant idea. 
Who knows what other kinds of genius I would come up with if the power was out for say, a week! The cure for cancer? The proper equation for cold fusion? How to keep my gas tank full all winter so that I don't have to fill up in the freezing cold?? HOW TO GET GERALDO RIVERA PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM TELEVISION?? I guess we may never know. . .

So here is my one-person fashion show:
 I call this outfit Put On as Many Articles of Clothing as Possible. Look Crazy and Don't Match.

 I call this outfit The Power is Out So I'm Wearing a Tutu! But Do I Really Need a Reason?

And I call this outfit The Lights Came Back on and I Tried to Pretend They Didn't But Really it Was a Mood Killer. (Coincidentally I kind of love this outfit. Electricity ftw.)

Interestingly enough (or because Satan is a bastard) our basement flooded once the power came back on and we didn't have hot water today, so I had to shower at a friend's place and that's always an experience. How do you work your shower? H means hot? And C means cold? And you pull up on the little thingy to get the water to come out of the shower head?? Gosh, why don't they just have a universal design for showers? Kind of like cameras. Because how many times have you handed your camera to someone and they ask "how does yours work?" If ONLY they would start putting that button in the same place. . .

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Current Favorite Photo

I know it's cliche to refer to Carrie Bradshaw as inspiration anymore but I'm fairly positive that if I could wear this outfit every single day I would.


Monday, January 24, 2011

Vintage Post

i love post cards, my friends, and trees you can drive through.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sarah with an S

I just got into an argument with the cashier guy at the grocery store over the spelling of my name. After asking me if my name is spelled the "original way" I responded with "as in, how it is spelled in the bible? Yes, with an h". It just went down hill from here. He insisted that originally in the bible it's spelled without an "h".  So I, of course, corrected him by spelling out "Sarai" and then specifying that the "i" was later replaced with an "h". He continued to disagree and informed me that no one has ever questioned him on this. I told him I would beat him with my bible bring in my bible. At which point he started treating me like I might be a crazy person at risk for hurting others and spoke in what I'm assuming he thinks is his comforting voice saying "okay, that's fine, I just don't think I'm wrong but you can prove me wrong if you need to". If I need to. Really, dude? What I need is for you to recognize that MY. NAME. IS. SARAH. I'm clearly an adult so by now I'm PROBABLY pretty familiar with my name and it's origin. But you know, maybe you could educate me on menstruation or something else you obviously know more about than I do.

So I don't think this is a fashion blog, but I like fashion and I like my clothes. And all of the tutorials I've read on How To Have a Cool Blog say you should post things you like. (They also say you should avoid negativity because people like to escape from reality, but since illegal drugs are still highly accessible I think it's okay if every once in awhile I talk about something other than diet coke and Nicholas Sparks). And by "talk" I mean "post photos".

P.S. If I just inadvertently told people to go get high if they don't like my blog, I didn't mean to. Queen of the Monsters does not condone drugs.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

It's only post #3 and already I'm talking about gangrene

I think I'm pretty resilient when it comes to gross things; my list of what I find truly disgusting is rather short. That said, gangrene has a very secure spot on my Gross list. Gangrene is gross. Well, today, gangrene out-grossed itself. Because you know what is worse than dry, rotten, blackened, zombie-esque appendages? Dry, rotten, blackened, zombie-esque appendages that a person SUCKS ON. As in Yes My Fingers Are Dead But I Suck On Them Because Gangrene Isn't Gross Enough. So before scenes from Grey's Anatomy flash before any one's proverbial eye when thinking of an ER, just remember, the Doctor is not that hot and the patient has dead fingers.

And because no one should probably be blogging about gangrene if they hope to have friends, happiness today was these colors:

 Also, I really like my third outfit of the day.

My dress definitely has seashells on it. And you really can't have a bad time when you're wearing seashells. It's against the laws of nature.

P.S. Dear grocery store aisle that smells like fresh donuts,
rot in hell.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I mean it

When I say "please eat a lot of this" what I mean is "please eat a lot of this and FAST. Faster than me (which, in case you haven't spent any time around me when I'm consuming food, is just about breakneck speed). Because if you don't, I will eat all of it. And quickly."

In unrelated news all I've had to eat today is sugar. Just. Sugar. Okay, sugar and fish tacos. But you know what? Screw it, because some days are meant for only sugar. That actually probably isn't true but really, it's the end of the day and I've consumed obscene amounts of sugar so I need to somehow reconcile my conscience with my reality lest I abuse myself into believing that tomorrow I'll spend gym-addicted amounts of time on cardio machines and eat only leafy greens. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Just to be clear, I have no idea what this blog is about. But I need to go reheat my hot cocoa. . .

And here we go. . .

I'm blogging.

Do I have something profound to say? Probably not. Do I want to say something? Almost always.