Saturday, August 27, 2011

Secrets make your clothes smell better

Who knew that my Mount Rushmore shirt would make such an impact on my wardrobe? I guess I should take back all the mean things I said about South Dakota. NOT.

In case you don't see me every week (you don't, I'm in a house with children one billion hours a week. Oh, a week doesn't have a billion hours? EXACTLY.) it makes an appearance each wash cycle. And by that I mean when it's clean, I wear it. And it would probably be clean more often if I was allowed to do laundry while on shift. But I'm not. I'm also not allowed to read books on shift. Or microwave any food for the children. Which, I would totally support if that didn't mean I was heating up an entire jar of store bought spaghetti sauce on the stove, just to use two tablespoons of it. And the rest that I'm putting in Tupperware to go back in the fridge? Yeah, I can't microwave that tomorrow either.

Other things I'm not allowed to do "on shift":
Be farther than 3 feet from the children at any given time
Let the children play unmediated games with their friends
Fold laundry on my lap (it needs to be folded on the bed)
Wash the cousin's swim things with our swim things
Deny the children their third daily Popsicle
Eat my meals w/o the children
Expect to get paid on time

All this to say, I'M DOING MY LAUNDRY IN SECRET. Yeah, that's right. When I say I'm going to the bathroom I'm actually folding my clothes. I never imagined that my rebellious nature would lead to secret laundry. I feel like such a fraud. When my bathroom breaks get taken away, I have no idea what I'll be forced to do.

-The Monster Queen

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Black market

Did you hire someone to watch your children? Congratulations, Wise Investor. Now, call up your brother and let him know that your nanny will watch his kids too. Then call up your neighbor and tell her that your nanny will watch her kids too! Then, if you realize there is someone you forgot to offer your nanny's services to, tell your nanny YOU NEED HER TO MAKE A PHONE CALL.

-The Monster Queen

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Big bear comfort

I have no idea what's going on with my life, but what I do know is that my panda dress makes me feel right with the world. Or at least right with myself. Because one day I walked into a gas station that had an entire wall full of majestic tees, and that was a good day.

Cool fact about NY: you can wear the exact same outfit three nights in a row and no one will notice. Probably because you won't see any of the same people. Even in your house. Did I mention that I live with six other people? Yeah. . .life.

Also, welcome to my new self timer wall.

-The Monster Queen

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The setting

New York is hard.

In so many ways. I wanted to be an exception (what's new?) and fall madly in love with New York the moment I set foot in it. I wanted to feel home and not ever want to leave. But New York is hard. I could list all of the things and ways in which New York is such a difficult place but I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to focus on the things I love.

I love the train ride. Not the subway- it's busy, and loud, and exactly as it should be- but the train. The forty minute ride from my town to NYC. The forty minutes in which I am allowed to sit still. In which I am given time to observe people- admire their clothes, determine if they are visiting or residential, listen to them comfort their tired children late at night. I love waiting to hear the inevitable can of beer being opened in the train car, and I love the smile that comes across my face when I do. I especially love when that person is sitting across from me and I get to watch them enjoy that small part of their day. And the train conductor. The train conductor is my favorite. Who, nine times out of ten has an accent so thick that you know he's spent his entire life in this state; a permanent native. In an instant you find yourself painting a picture of his life; he grew up in the ghetto, with half a dozen siblings and a working single mother. He graduated high school with integrity and good grades but too much responsibility to do anything after high school other than find a good paying job. Maybe he's been working the train system ever since. Maybe he's divorced. Maybe he has his own kids now. He's a man whose story you'd love to hear over a cup of coffee at 5 a.m.

You see, these forty minutes are the forty minutes in which I still get to romanticize about New York. I get to forget my own current circumstances and I get to dream about the place in which so many stories are set. I get to write my own stories here.

-The Monster Queen